As I sit here writing this I’m 40weeks - to the day - pregnant. Yes, that’s right, I’m due today!
My little girl is squirming inside my belly and I wonder whether she’s sick of being cramped in there, or if she’s loving it and doesn’t want to come out and face this big scary world.
As I reflect on the last 9 months I’m amazed at how fast it’s gone, and how quick my little girl is already growing up - and I haven’t even met her yet.
It seemed like yesterday I sat on that public toilet and peed-on-a-stick (just for fun) only to sit there for 10mins in disbelief at the symbol of a cross that had just so clearly shown up. This was going to change my life forever. And there was no going back now. Everything I had dreamed of was happening, straight away, first month of ‘trying’ – I couldn’t believe it.
My first scan: she’s only 9mm long with a tiny flutter of a heartbeat. I can’t actually imagine having a big pregnant belly, let alone actually having a baby. Actually, all I want to do is pee, sleep and puke. Right now, pregnancy is just about my own survival. People are happy for me, and I am happy… Really I am… I just feel really sick.. and really tired.. all the time.
Next scan – oh my God, it looks like a baby: a body, a head, arms, legs. She’s moving! She looks like a graceful miniature ballerina jumping around in her spacious, warm, safe home. This is really REAL now.
19 weeks along and I wake up and I actually feel … GREAT! In fact, I’m on a high! Nothing can stop me. I’m pregnant, I’m glowing, I’ve got energy, I’m excited, I’m loving life. So we go out and buy a dilapidated old house, move in with the in-laws and spend every spare moment renovating – Isn’t this mandatory when you’re pregnant!?
At the beginning of my last trimester I actually start to look ‘pregnant’ (not just chubby). People smile sweetly at me when I walk down the street. I feel my baby move, jump, and get the hiccups. We play games every night – I give her a little poke and she kicks me back. Does she know who I am? Does she love me with the same intensity that I love her already? I dream about all the possibilities for her – her personality, her hair colour, her cry, her voice. I wonder whether she’ll be a little rebellious like me, or calm and contented like her beautiful father.
And now, here I am: Only days, maybe just moments before we embark upon the enormous journey of labour together - I feel so relaxed. Through my tummy I can feel her feet, her knees, her elbows - but soon I will hold them in my hands. Soon I get to kiss and cuddle her. Nurture her. Soon I get see her in her Daddy’s arms. I will love her, unconditionally, every day for the rest of my life.
I’m ready for you my little baby girl.